Cat and Mouse
by xXxShiningDarknessxXx
Summary: Kyle thinks he's finally found a way to get rid of Cartman. Cartman proves him wrong with a simple game of cat and mouse. Kyman.


**Hey Guys! I was really bored, opened up writer, just began writing and now I have another story. Oops. When I say 'just began writing', I mean, like, a few hours ago. I'd like to know if I should continue it. Don't worry, I'm still doing Blinding, but, whenever I'm not doing that, I'll be doing this. **

**So enjoy!**

**Summery: Kyle thinks he's finally found a way to get rid of Cartman. Cartman proves him wrong with a simple game of cat and mouse. Kyman.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own South Park.**

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Cat and Mouse

Prologue: Detention. It's fun.

Cartman huffed in annoyance, chin resting on his left hand and left elbow on the table. He played with a pencil in his other hand, bouncing the eraser on the end off the table in complete boredom.

He glared at the bouncing pencil in his hand.

"This is so weak." He whined to himself, tossing the pencil in his right hand in a random direction over his shoulder and leaning backwards in his chair.

Pouting to himself, he rolled his eyes and sat upright.

"It wasn't even my fault. Just because _sometimes_ it's my fault, doesn't mean it's _always_ my fault." He sighed and tapped his fingers on the table before him. He narrowed his eyes suddenly and seized his tapping.

"Fuck Mr Garrison, what does he know, anyway?" Cartman asked himself, tilting his head back against the wooden chair in boredom.

He scoffed.

"Nothing, that's what. He never teaches us anything. I'm just glad I made it this far off my own intellect alone or I would never make it in this world. Hmmm..." Cartman mused, head tilting at the ceiling.

He sat up and looked around himself. The room Mr Garrison had sent him to for his detention was empty, nothing but long wooden tables and uncomfortable wooden chairs. Honestly, the place looked like it had been abandoned for a long time. Cartman wrinkled his nose in disgust at the dust coating the room. There was no windows, making it hot, too, but Cartman couldn't use the fan connected to the ceiling because dust coated that as well. He wasn't in the mood for dust flying around his head and making him sneeze.

"What the fuck is wrong with this room?" He questioned, frustrated. He stood on his chair, though and squinted at the ceiling over his head. His eyes lit up in delight once he realized what he saw.

"Jackpot!" He cried, dancing on the chair under his feet. He yelped and grabbed the end of the wooden chair when it shifted slightly beneath him.

Cartman laughed nervously.

"Ahaha, oops." He muttered to himself, wiping his now dusty hand against his coat. He then reached up on the tips of his toes to open his prize.

The vent's top popped off with ease.

Cartman grinned to himself and tossed the vent top over his shoulder, ignoring the loud clanging noise it made when it hit (and dented) the wall behind him. He glanced at the vent, his grin turning into a smirk.

"Sweet." He commented as he reached up again to grab on to the edges of the vent to pull himself in. He groaned in frustration when he hit a small problem. Or two small problems.

One; he couldn't reach the vent from where he was standing and get enough leverage to pull himself up.

Two; he, well...

Cartman shut his eyes tight and clenched his hands into fists at his sides. Snapping his eyes open, Cartman glared at the vent as though it had personally offended him. It had.

He couldn't fit through.

Cartman puffed out his cheeks and threw his arms over his head.

"Why do I have to be so big boned?" He cried, sighing and flopping back down, rubbing his chin in thought. Seconds later, he snapped his fingers and sprang back into a standing position on his chair.

He tried again, this time jumping to reach the vent and using all the strength he could muster to pull himself up. He got stuck half way up, but pushed onwards, eyes closing in concentration.

'_Think... small... think... small..._' He thought.

"Come on, come on, come on... Yes!" He yelled out in excitement, pulling himself the rest of the way in.

He sneezed, almost falling forward. Rubbing his nose with his left hand, Cartman opened his eyes and looked around. His surroundings looked like any other vent he'd ever been in and he'd seen the inside of plenty.

He'd been stuck in plenty as well.

He shook his head of the memories of not his proudest moments and moved forward, crouching down more when he realized how snug the fit was.

He began to sweat, which somewhat helped the tight fit.

"This is fucking stupid! I'll get Mr Garrison back after this. Maybe I'll put something in his food..." Cartman went silent as he began to think up ways to get back at Mr Garrison for wrongly giving him detention. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong, it wasn't his fault.

Cartman suddenly slipped, falling on his face.

"Fuck! God dammit! Why are vents always so slippery?" He asked no one in particular as he slowly got back up on all fours. He was about to begin his trek forward once more, when he heard something; a voice.

Cartman jumped slightly and looked around. His eyes narrowed to the place under himself and he bent forward (ignoring the dust), pressing his ear to the vents floor beneath him.

It wasn't just one voice; it was two.

"Wait a minuet..." He mumbled to himself, glancing around, before pressing his ear back to the vents floor. His eyes widened before turning into slits. An evil grin came to his face.

"This is the boys bathroom and that's..." His grin grew, "Kahl and Stan." He pushed his ear closer against the vents floor and was rewarded with faint, but legible voices.

"I can't believe this! That... that bastard! I just..." Kyle's voice growled from underneath him.

Stan sighed.

"That's Cartman for you, always saying stupid shit." There was silence after Stan's statement. Cartman forced himself to not cry out in his defence. It wasn't his fault, for fucks sake!

"That's not the point, Stan. Fatass needs to be taught a lesson! He made Butters cry, Stan. Butters! That boy doesn't let what Cartman says bother him, but this time he obviously went too far! Cartman's such an ass." Kyle snapped, sounding pissed.

In the silence after this, Cartman mimicked Kyle, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, get over it!" He snapped back, quietly.

Another sigh.

"Yeah, you're right, but it's not like we can do anything about it. Fatass is, well, fatass, he's never going to change."

"I know he isn't, but... Augh! He just makes me so pissed!" Kyle yelled. Cartman winced when he heard something hit the wall. Kyle had thrown something.

"We can always stop hanging out with him." Stan suggested, causing Cartman to freeze.

"No," Cartman relaxed, "We've already tried that, remember. He saved those people and we came crawling back." Kyle sounded bitter and ashamed.

Cartman raised an eyebrow in mild confusion.

"When did that happen?" He asked out loud, then shrugged.

He listened on.

A third sigh.

"Well then, what do we do? Apologize to Butters on how we have the worst friend in the history of friends? I don't see anything else we _can _do. I'm sure Kenny and the others would go along with it if we asked." Stan continued.

There was silence for a third time as they thought. Cartman adjusted himself. It was uncomfortable leaning like this.

Kyle suddenly let out a loud gasp, causing Cartman to jump and bump his forehead against the vent floor. By the sounds underneath him, Stan had jumped in surprise as well.

"I got it! I mean, I think I do. Yes. Yes, it's perfect!" Kyle was saying to himself, deep in thought.

"What's perfect?" Stan questioned, voice unsure.

Cartman leaned in closer, desperate.

"I know I way to get Cartman to leave us alone." Kyle answered.

"Really? How?" Stan asked, confused.

Cartman nodded his head against the vent floor, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"By pretending to be in love with him." Kyle stated, simply.

Stan was silent. Cartman was _trying _to be silent. It was hard, though. He hid a snort behind his hand.

"Very clever, Kahl." He sarcastically congratulated.

"What?! Are you crazy? How is that suppose to help?" Stan yelped.

Cartman rolled his eyes at Stan and mouthed, word for word, what Kyle said next.

"No, I'm not! You see, Cartman's the most homophobic person I've met, plus he _hates_ me. If I act like I'm in love with him, he's bound to leave me, and in turn, leave you and Kenny, alone. It's brilliant!" Kyle sounded relieved and excited.

Cartman rolled his eyes again.

"Not that simple, Jew." Cartman snorted in a sigh-song tone and continued with his mouthing.

"Ah, no. It's stupid. What if it backfires? You're stuck with Cartman for the rest of your life! What about everyone else? You'll be pretending to be in love with Eric Fucking Cartman in front of everyone! Also, Cartman would think it would work in his favour and use you! I don't think this is a good idea at all." Stan said, worried.

Cartman laughed quietly to himself. Did he know Kyle and Stan like the back of his hand, or what?

He stopped his silent laughter to listen.

"No, it'll work. Trust me, Stan. It. Will. Work." Kyle sounded determined.

"But..." Stan sighed for the fourth time, "OK, if you say so, Kyle. I believe you. Now, come on, Kenny's waiting for us outside and Fatass is probably out of detention by now. We'll plan more later, alright."

A sigh of his own.

"Fine."

There was some rustling, a door closing and then silence.

Cartman frowned in thought, tapping a pointer finger against the vents floor.

"Hmmm, I'll need Butters for this." He concluded, straightening up and quickly crawling forward.

He thought to himself and chuckled.

"Very clever, indeed, Kahl. To bad I'm way more clever and manipulative than you." He sighed, shaking his head and clicking his tongue a few times.

"Poor, Poor, Poor, Kahl. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost." He laughed again, an evil smirk forming on his face.

He loved a good game of cat and mouse, especially when it involved his favourite cat toy; Kyle.

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**So how was it? I think it's pretty good for a quick little prologue. One thing, I was thinking, but, _would _Cartman be considered a homophobic person. I can't remember if there is really any evidence for that on the show, but for the purpose of this story, he is. He _is_ Cartman after all, I would think he could be.**

**Remember to Review and tell me if I should continue this or not.**

**Bye!**

-**xXxShiningDarknessxXx-**


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